Me In front of the Camera: Making My Own Memories
Emma Case Photography #TheseAreTheDays
Being in front of the camera makes me feel a little bit sick, I am not going to lie. I've dodged the camera more times than I can remember over the years, in the past I've cried when I have seen images of myself, because I looked fatter than I imagined I did, I have untagged myself on Facebook because I didn't like my double chin in a picture someone else had shared of me.
And my side profile, please don't get me started on that pointy, straight nose and sticky out chin.
I have spent so much time taking photographs of other people's family time that I have rather neglected to document my own. Something that needs to change from now on.
The thing is (maybe I am getting old); all those flaws and insecurities that dictated to me throughout my teens and my twenties, just seem so insignificant to me now. It's not that I don't care what I look like, I still very much care, I just see so much more in a photograph now than I was able to when I was younger.
My tummy for example, well it was never flat when I was younger, not ever. It bothered me, it really did. My tummy will never be flat now, it grew a healthy and beautiful 10 and a half pound baby boy and it is never going to let me forget it. Well good, I don't want to forget.
A few weeks ago, Emma Case came to our house to take some family photographs of me and my little boy. Not too many photographs of us exist, mainly because I am always the one with the camera, but also because I have avoided being in front of the camera for so much of my life that it became second nature. Just avoid, avoid, avoid! Emma is the sort of person that you feel like you have known for many years, she just puts you at ease and makes it really easy. Nothing was set up or posed, she just documented us being ourselves.
I followed Emma's blog from about 2007 and I have always loved the honesty of her images, I knew as soon as she announced she was doing family sessions #TheseAreTheDays, I wanted to ask her to take some pictures of me with my lovely boy, whilst he is still little (ish).
I am grateful I asked her, I am pleased I didn't put it off yet again, I'm relieved that I actually love photographs that I am in. I am glad my child will have some pictures of us as we are now, he will see how much I love him, how much he is my world.
What's changed? I see a moment in time, a split second of our life, I see the love, I see happiness and completeness. I see trains, I see dirty little feet, I see toys scattered across the floor, I see me as a mum, I see my maternal instinct, I see how much that little person loves me, I see how we laugh together, I see how we play games, we share a mutual love for our furry animals, I see our home, I see 'now'.
I see that I am comfortable in my own skin, finally. And already I see that things are moving on and how we are 'now' has become how we were 'then' and the future is 'now'. Time will not stand still for any of us, but I am going to breathe and take it all in.
Thank you Emma, I love them xx